The Doula I wish I’d had: A Personal Journey

Let's start off with some basics. You might be wondering, "What's a doula?" Let me guide you on the amazing role of a doula and its evolution in today's world.

word doula composed of wooden letters

The term doula comes from an ancient Greek word, δοῦλα (pronounced "doúla"), translating to "female servant" or "a woman who serves." Historically, it referred to a woman who provided care and support, usually in a household or community setting.

Fast forward to today, the term doula was given a fresh interpretation by anthropologist Dana Raphael in 1976. In her book "The Tender Gift: Breastfeeding", Raphael described a doula as someone, usually a woman, who provides continuous support to mothers during childbirth and postpartum, especially in the context of breastfeeding. While the word itself is ancient Greek, the modern-day role of a doula is all about compassionate and professional, non-medical care during childbirth and the postnatal period. That sounds fantastic, doesn't it?

I used to think doulas were just for the well-off. To me, they were someone who attends your baby's birth and honestly, I couldn't see why anyone would want that. I was more focused on the physical vulnerability of birth rather than understanding what my body could potentially experience during childbirth and the support I would actually need.

Fast forward again, and I’m now a doula myself. I wonder why more people aren’t prioritising the role of a doula in their birth and postnatal journey. I used to be that person. It wasn’t until I experienced birth and early motherhood that I realised I should've prioritised myself more and that a doula could've provided the support I so desperately needed. Yes, I appeciate the financial cost is probably the deciding factor, but you really don’t need all the fancy gadgets being advertised to you. Many doulas even offer gift vouchers, which make an amazing baby shower present.

When I was preparing for my son’s birth, I spent so much time and energy creating the perfect nursery and buying everything I thought I'd need. From a financial standpoint, I was your average mum-to-be, always on a budget, but fortunate enough to have some money to spare thanks to lifestyle changes during pregnancy. I hunted for deals, found bargains in charity shops, got a secondhand pushchair, and received hand-me-downs from friends and family. What I didn’t need was a perfect nursery; my baby would be sleeping in my room for the first 6 months. If only I’d paused the nursery preparations, this is what I could’ve had.

A Birth Doula, they provide antenatal support too!

Not only do birth doulas provide continuous, non-medical support to a person during labour and childbirth, They provide birth information and guidance to support you during your birth planning and preparation. Getting to know you, your beliefs and your hopes for birth. Their primary role is to help the birthing person feel calm, empowered, and well-informed throughout the birth. They assist with comfort measures such as breathing techniques, position changes, and massage, while also acting as an advocate, ensuring the birthing person’s preferences and needs are communicated to the medical team. By providing a constant, calming presence, the birth doula helps reduce anxiety and enhances the overall birth experience for both the birthing person and their partner. Many doulas offer additional services such as hypnobirthing, pre and postnatal yoga and breastfeeding support.

My youngest son has just turned 5 years old, and I still often find myself reflecting on his birth and those early postnatal days. It wasn't easy. There were days when I didn’t feel enough and was despearte for rest. I thought I’d planned everything for his arrival. I attended antenatal sessions, practised hypnobirthing, and even participated in a breastfeeding workshop. So why did everything feel so challenging?

In reality, I was being too hard on myself. Yes, I tried to cram as much knowledge into my pregnancy brain as possible, but now I was trying to apply all that knowledge while sleep-deprived and sore from birth. I was desperate to keep it all together, aiming for perfection, but suffering silently. I didn’t want to be judged. Would people think I was a bad mum? I so wanted to show my family and friends that, “I’ve got this.”

I often found myself endlessly searching online for guidance, ensuring I was on the right track. I was overwhelmed by conflicting information, which made me doubt my own instincts. Believe me, your instincts are incredibly valuable. You know your baby better than anyone else.

Looking back, I now see how much I would've benefitted from having a doula, not just during birth, but also postnatally. My son was born in 2019, in a pre-pandemic world where homeworking and flexible working was a distant dream. A request to work from home was seen as a sign of unreliability by employers, and was a right only reserved for extreme circumstances. Having a newborn baby didn't count. This meant that just two weeks after our son's birth, my husband was back to work, leaving the house from 7 am to 7 pm. I was alone with a tiny baby, tired and scared that something might go wrong. Everyone I knew was at work and I was left to struggle through each day trying to find my way. My son was too young for baby groups, and frankly, even getting out to the shops felt like a monumental task.

This is precisely where a doula would have been incredibly beneficial. A postnatal doula could have been there to assist me in addressing my needs. Someone to talk to. I truly needed someone experienced to provide support and guidance, but most importantly, I longed for someone to make a warm drink and hold my baby, allowing me the opportunity to rest and recover my body.

A postnatal doula can be a dream come true. A doula helps new parents adjust to life with a newborn by offering emotional support, guidance, and reassurance during the challenging postnatal period. They assist with breastfeeding by providing tips and troubleshooting common challenges, or they help with bottle-feeding if needed. Additionally, postnatal doulas offer hands-on support with newborn care tasks. They can also lend a hand with light household tasks, like preparing meals, doing laundry, or helping with older siblings, allowing parents to focus on recovery and bonding with their baby. Each doula is different and will offer a range of tasks they are comforable supporting you with.

Following the birth of my sons I became passionate about birth preparation and postnatal care. I’m here to fill in the gaps and support you to have the birth you are hoping for. Providing information based learning, guidance and support as you prepare for birth and postnatally. I specialise in hypnobirthing, pre & postnatal yoga, aromatherapy for birth and supporting new mothers through their postnatal period and matrescence journey.

If you live in Surrey or South West London and are wondering if a doula is right for you. Let’s chat!

Drop me an email fran@breathebirthbond.org.uk or find me on The Doula Directory